The Sacred Centre

sharing – daring – caring – writing from the heart

Category: The Higher Sense

A Gentle Nudge

Cringingly I remember the moment in class when I was about 12 and tried to open up the possibility to a class mate that God or the devil could potentially be female.

My word did that go down the wrong way!

Against me stood many books and paintings in history that clearly showed that they were both male. So why would I want them to be female?

Not so much wanting to, more thinking that they could take any form they like. It was the beginning of my understanding that there is a much more subtle world around us that is different to just being male or female and could certainly be mere energy, a cloud of atoms, at its most.

I have always been different, keeping to myself, busying myself with my own interests, exploring other ways and digging in holes that opened up new dimensions. My class teacher certainly couldn’t cope with the way I was, a quiet little girl, not very bright in her eyes, a failure at maths and geometry, way too overburdened with an additional foreign language, which is why she suggested I would be better off in a school for kids with special needs.

Heyho, nothing wrong with me, said the school psychologist, just a bit lazy. Or, in my own words, just not interested in maths 🙂

I decided against the holy communion because I didn’t like the fact that angels had to have fluffy wings like in the pictures and that I didn’t see why I should honour that bearded man on the other pictures, whereas I had seen and felt beings of light around me that were nothing like that – though some of them do have wings after all.

Never mind. I was born a fighter, coming into the world against all the odds of my father’s request of abortion to having the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck twice and not wanting to breathe at first. But after my first breath was taken, there was no stopping me.

This sense of having a special task in this life has been with me as long as I can think back, however, what exactly it is wasn’t always that clear. But maybe that is what life itself is – the discovery of yourself.

Along came indigo children, light workers, Superman, Mother Theresa, Joan of Arc, Gandhi, Buddha, the Dalai Lama … the world is certainly not lacking in heroes … just who am I?

I jumped form one branch to another, never falling off the tree, but never quite sure on which branch to settle. I am lucky to be blessed with insight and the ability to see truth in both sides of an argument – though it can at times feel more like a curse – not being able to settle on one point, feeling like a traitor, split between friends and foes alike.

The sense to help has always been strongest, just that there is soo many ways to help. It took yet another change in profession into healthcare to somewhat satisfy that urge and give it a scope to work with. Ironically the one profession I did not intent to do after having watched my mother and grandmother working in the same field.

But it turns out to be the only job I have done so far that well and truly fulfils me and gives me a purpose to wake up to every day of my life. Just one tiny thing was still missing. Just how could I incorporate my knowledge and awareness of the alternative approach to life, which is not acknowledged in general medicine?

I had set up a complementary business next to my main job, addressing the Inner Self, the Sacred Centre, helping with Subtle Energy Healing and Acupressure Massage, but I don’t have enough time to fully commit to it. But it is there, and when the time comes it will all mould together into one big perfect piece of history. I might be an indigo child as well as a light worker but certainly am no Superwoman (well, only apart from the flying ;)).

I am neither nor – I am the bridge stretching from on to the other, a guide that leads you, a foundation that carries you, a walking living library that is available for questions.

It is not up to me to heal you, but I can help you heal yourself. Awareness of the Sacred Centre can be the beginning of that healing process.

And as I sat quietly, breathing in and out, aware of the Buddha within myself, my heart lotus opened it’s petals and radiated warmth outward, heating up my entire chest. I was wondering if I could maybe use this to warm the hearts of others and bring about a change of hearts just by being there, with them, without words, just with a smile. Would that be my next learning curve?

I have definitely come a long way since my above mentioned account of trying to make someone else see my side!

And it’s really not about the money. Really not – despite how many people have told me to value myself and to not give of myself for free. There is a reason why I have been supported with a good job that offers me free education, even sending me to university (all this in a foreign language – would love to know what my teacher thinks), so that I can spend my free time offering the world a little bit of my wisdom, as and when it needs it.

I have noticed so many times in my life that if you are true to yourself and listen to the gentle nudges of your Inner Self, that support will materialise. It might not be in form of a pot of gold, but certainly recognizable in the shape of whatever it is that you need most at the time.

Trust yourself!


Life, Visions, Doubts and Passions

Insights come in the most unexpected ways. It might be a coincidence that this post comes while chopping up mushrooms for my risotto. Dish of the day, huh? 😉

After reading someone’s blog I left the comment:

“Life is based on visions – and you decide what your life’s vision is!”

and following on after the author’s comment to keep it in mind the next time doubts would creep in I concluded:

“Doubts are necessary because they make you re-evaluate your visions.”

And suddenly I wondered what had happened to my own vision. Maybe a little re-evaluation of my own little business wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

This comes after re-evaluating the Awareness Spa Mini Retreats, which I am part of, deciding to take a step back and simply hold the space, inviting people as they come and show interest. We all felt such relief after a year of constant advertising, which was three times as exhausting than actually running the retreat once a month.

I have changed. I now embark on another new step in my life which gently forces me to stop and do something different for a while. I am starting a two year university course in clinical health care as part of my employment.

It has been a passionate of mine to set up a little complementary business next to my main job. I have attended many interesting courses, met even more interesting people and took part in arduous networking meetings with little understanding of what I was supposed to talk about nor what it actually was that I wanted from it. It was all a great learning curve. So instead of spending my time advertising and feeling disappointed that I don’t get much response, I will now concentrate on university and let happen whatever will happen.

It’s almost like I have been creating different identities of myself in recent years, creating different blogs for different audiences because I didn’t feel that one could cope with the other. But I see now how beautifully they all work together. It’s an amalgamation of who I am as an individual, and of a life that I am proud to be living.

My previous website was build with simple HTML to keep my web design skills up but it got more and more difficult due to time and bothersome techniques to even update a single sentence, whereas I could spent hours blogging about a topic I felt passionate about here on wordpress. So I chose to transfer some of the content from my website onto my blog site since I am on here most of the time anyway.

First part of the amalgamation has been done. Now I can relax.

A passion to help is great – just that you can’t help if someone doesn’t want to be helped.

People rather have you fix their problems for them instead of genuinely wanting to solve them with your help.

Symptom control is impossible in the long-term unless you change something in your life. If you’re not happy to change your life, you might have to live with the symptoms.

I actually feel like I can be even more open in expressing myself through my writing now that I don’t have the burden of attracting potential clients. Too much have I been indoctrinated by several different codes of conducts relevant to whichever course I went for to behave and talk in a certain way.

Whereas I fully respect a professional appearance and a non-discriminatory approach and to refrain from practices that I am not qualified in, I also felt like I couldn’t fully be me, unable to breathe, stifled by the code and conduct’s suggested demeanours and crippled by my insurance’s terms and conditions.

My passion to help is joined by my passion to teach. So what better approach could I choose than simply be myself and lead by example. If someone would like to understand more about what I do they can ask. And I will be more than happy to fill them in.

I draw inspiration from my own experiences and thoughts as well as what I observe in the world around me. I don’t mean to offend anyone with my thoughts, they are merely expressions of my Inner Self, hence the term “The Sacred Centre”, in case you were wondering.

I refer to the Sacred Centre as the Inner Self that lies within you, in the centre of your chest. Seeing the world with your heart, not with your head will put a smile on your face. It brings you one step closer to the rest of the world, one step closer to yourself.

Writing brings clarity into my mind. With each story I share it feels like I am getting closer to finding inner peace.

To a new future filled with fun 😀


Defining Self

As I was running errands in town today and stopped at a pedestrian crossing, a tourist bus passed me by and I noticed a young boy’s head eagerly taking in anything he could catch of the world that was passing by on the other side of the window.

For a brief second I saw the world through his eyes, filled with excitement and wonder at the buildings, streets, sea gulls and people that were new to him. More in particular I saw myself, standing slightly annoyed with a hue of impatience at the traffic light figuring out how to best tackle the oncoming front of mothers armed with fully loaded prams.

This I suppose is what one would call self-awareness, which I often see lacking in other people. Whereas I tend to have too much of it, which can be frustrating if you have perfectionist tendencies and are forever trying to reinvent yourself on the way to becoming a better person, the urge of which is driven by minor setbacks evolving from interactions with others.

Deepak Chopra says in his latest book “Super Brain”: “Self-awareness changes perception. The subtle regions of awareness are where the real power lies. The more aware we are, the more power we have over reality.”

I believe it is this awareness that makes it possible for me to help others as much as myself to heal, or at least to straighten myself up a little and put on a smile every now and again. Although I still have the notion of doubting myself, which, coupled with my perfectionist thinking and the disbelief of others, is destructive to the power of healing and, as Deepak says, reality.

I get profound messages popping up in my mind at times, usually when I least expect it, when I am just about to fall asleep or have a vacant moment while daydreaming. Listen to this one: “There will be a time when the need to prove and explain oneself and their gifts will simply fall away, become unnecessary. Then we can be fully integrated beings, functioning at our highest level.”

It is true that we really shouldn’t have to explain our existence. However, if you feel that the purpose of your existence is to heal the world, or even to prepare the world to heal, this can be pretty challenging, especially if it isn’t always very clear how this is supposed to be done. The little messages I get every now and again may be reassuring and open my awareness a little bit more to the profound possibilities the universe has on offer, but to then go and explain that to others who don’t have the concept or understanding of this can be ever such a tough journey.

Ego aside, I am not the one who actually does the healing. I see myself more as a road sign that can give you an idea where you are going compared to ridding you of all your problems there and then. Life is a journey – and I am just a sign on the way. There is no need to name my skills or gifts. They just are who I am. I aim to help opening the gates to a higher awareness, not carry you there single handed. This is a developmental process. The first step towards a new aspect of the self, which works differently for different people.

Looking at my main job in clinical healthcare it increasingly dawns on me that my extrasensory abilities and awareness are needed there especially more than in any holistic or alternative environment. Although I am not permitted to practice my complementary skills at my work place, it is my deeper insight, understanding, awareness and additional knowledge that enables me to treat a patient in all aspects and see them as more than just a person with an illness.

Gandhi said: “The patient is the most important person in the hospital. He is not an interruption to our work, he is the purpose of it. He is not an outsider in our hospital, he is part of it. We are not serving a favour by serving him, he is doing us a favour by giving us an opportunity to do so.”

Sometimes I can see into people’s soul and work with them on that soul-to-soul level. I look inside them, not at them. This brings about a great amount of compassion and requires the ability to truly listen – with heart and head.

My task is not to fix or heal you, but to help you heal yourself.


A Matter of Perception

“And what colour is it?” did I overhear a mother ask her young daughter who was merrily trying to keep up with her mum’s long strides while attentively looking at her new toy. “It’s green”, announced the little girl proudly, to which the mother explained candidly that it was actually red, not green.

It makes me wonder how much of a red her red was to her daughter’s red. Who determines that what I see as blue is in fact the same blue as yours? Is it pure childhood conditioning? What about those who are diagnosed as being colour blind?

There is no way to know if we see the same colours or in fact feel the same about something! Watch this interesting YouTube clip!

So it must have to do with conditioning, our parent’s and peers telling us what they see and us adapting to their names and descriptions for what we see, just as much as they have done when they were younger. And it is so easy to take on what other people say, especially if they are older or simply more dominant.

I do remember the day a class mate said that Santa Claus didn’t exist, which completely threw me. Of course I didn’t want to admit that I didn’t knew this already, but inside of me something special broke. Just like my favourite birthday party game of “pot hitting”, where you crawl around the floor blindfolded, equipped only with a wooden spoon looking for a pot underneath which some goodies have been hidden. If you find the pot by hitting it with your spoon, the goodies are yours. One year someone decided that we were too old to play that game, and another part of me broke. Not only was I deeply saddened because I felt that I could never ever again play this game, but also did I feel like a fool for believing in something that others clearly didn’t approve of. And finally to the time when I was jumping around in my underpants in our town’s fountain one hot summer day, only to be reminded by my slightly embarrassed friend that I really shouldn’t do this anymore.

All these happened around age 8 or 10 and marked significant changes to the end of childhood and the beginning of adolescence. And if it isn’t you that realises that you possibly ought to start growing up, then it will be your peers or parents who put an abrupt halt on a joyful time. What a sad end to the infinite childhood experience! Though I wouldn’t recommend you should still be jumping around in the public wearing only your underwear at 30 plus 🙂

I believe that the same goes with out sixth sense. We all have it, right from birth and beyond. However, unless someone tells you that you have it or helps you develop it, chances are that it will just be forgotten, like Santa Clause, a myth that was never real. Even more saddening is the fact that you are quite likely seen as a weirdo should you dare expressing your extrasensory perceptions. Or at least will have to work hard against an army of mainstream lay people who don’t know it any better. Though it might actually be worse if someone knows it better, because then the same conditioning as above applies, which can actually suppress your individual talents if they are not recognized by the know-it-all whose talents might be completely different from yours.

Unfortunately there is a fine line between paranoia and premonitions. Someone once suggested that the majority of psychiatric patients would probably be pretty good mediums. While one can’t generalise this, I know from my own experiences that a heightened awareness and perception of subtler worlds beyond the material can be a scary place as much as it can be truly magnificent. Sometimes you can’t be sure if you are going nuts, having an out-of-body experience or are indeed surrounded by outer worldly beings. The astral plane can be very deceptive and what you pick up from it is subject to a lot of things, which might never make it into reality. Then there is the increasing understanding that you can have and be whatever you want. You create your future, it is jus not always how you had planned it to be. I briefly touched on the topic in my last blog.

There I express that sometimes I can’t get my head around whether it really was my thoughts that created the outcome, or whether these thoughts were premonitions of an event that was inevitably going to happen. How much can I influence and accordingly change the outcome of such events? This can truly drive you insane if you don’t keep it under control.

Especially when working in this field one can get pretty strange requests. A recent phone consultation revealed a healer desperate for help with energies that had become too much, giving her a funny pressure on her head that she already felt upon entering her house. There was a blockage somewhere and she felt she couldn’t progress to what she had attuned everything around her. Unfortunate for her, she believed that I wasn’t competent enough to help her unblock her dilemma. She wanted something specific that I believe she was unlikely to get unless she opened up and allowed to receive whatever it was she would need. I was trained to allow healing to take place and not to force it to where you want it. This example showed me that if you get in too deep, you might not be able to get out again.

Personally I am ever so conscious to stay in contact with the earth, to remain grounded and to not just disappear somewhere in space like an astronaut that has drifted away from his space station. It dawned on me that it isn’t just about becoming a master of the subtle realms and to sell spirituality as if it was the latest kitchen equipment, especially not like all the psychic stuff on telly, but to rather simply just live it, incorporate it into my daily activities. Stick to your day job, that is if you are happy with it, and carry it out with all your heart. Become aware of a bigger picture. Let your heightened awareness and understanding of your origin, from source or a mere atom floating in space, be part of your life – not the total sum of your life. I don’t believe in defining myself as a spiritual or psychic or any of the like. I simply like to help others to incorporate this awareness into their life, to become more settled in whatever they choose to do with their life. There surely is a reason why we are who we are right here and now, human beings with a purpose. Well, I suppose, having said that, maybe I should give psychics that have taken to the media more credit.

There are just too many words to describe experiences that actually can’t be described with words. How often do I find myself writing, rewriting and deleting words, phrases and whole paragraphs in search of relaying what I actually mean. And what is it that I mean? Is the reason why I feel that I am contradicting myself in my writing and verbal expressions that I am not sure what to believe in? Or am I trying too hard to accommodate other’s ideas and believes because I don’t want to upset or criticise them, or, even wore, don’t want to be criticised myself? I’ve written before about “The ideal truth of a dreamer“. How can I best describe that I feel a deep connection to something that I like to call source to avoid giving it neither shape nor gender, and at the same time just as deeply consider my own DNA and atoms that have reproduced and evolved over million of years?

Our ideas and perceptions could be regarded as a “catch 22”. Nobody will know for sure why we are here and what happens before or after our life, just like nobody can prove that your or my experiences are real or imagined. In the end it boils down to how you deal with this. Whether you let your ideals direct your life or let other people lead you. Regardless of other’s belief in you or whether you believe in others. If you can see or were born blind, if you can see all colours of the spectrum or if you can see more than others but don’t know it yet. Does it matter? You decide what you let get in your way of living your life happily and to the full!

“You have achieved enlightenment when you realise that there is no enlightenment and at the same time that you have been enlightened all along.”


The Magic of making the Sun shine

Off and away for a few days and of course I wanted the sun to shine. It did, however, only peek out occasionally from behind big bubbly clouds, so I thought lets make it shine. Heard of “cloud busting” before? Watch “Men who stare at goats“! 🙂

Rather than staring at clouds hoping they bust and let more sun in, I visualised on the sun shining already, which to me makes sense since you attract what you put out. Want more of something? Assume that you have it already.

Soon after it got a little brighter and finally the sun was casting its warm rays across our roofs. It didn’t last very long thought and in the end I got tired of trying to keep it out from behind the clouds and let the weather do what it thought was best. A thought came up: “What if others are desperately trying to create rain at the same time? Would this be the cause of a hurricane? Is the reason why  we never get the weather we want because everyone is trying to get theirs?”

In the end we didn’t have any sun at all for the whole next day and instead a complete grey cloud cover looming above us. I did feel a little guilty for possibly messing up the weather by messing with it in the first place. But then, did I actually ever change anything that wasn’t going to happen anyway?

My brother happened to be in Bali when it was my 30th birthday, and if you care to read my blog in preparation to my birthday as well as a previous blog about the Naga Buddha, you will understand why I asked him to try and find me such Buddha while he was in Bali. In short, the Naga Buddha is a Buddha figure that is sheltered by a king cobra and happens to be the Buddha allocated to Saturday, the day I was born. I also recently learned that this year is governed by the snake, which together with my year 11 is just incredibly fascinating stuff. I told you, read the above mentioned blogs!

Anyhow, the only reference by brother had was my blog about the Naga Buddha which had a photo of one in it. I assumed that since the tradition of allocating some of Buddha’s events to days of the week is practiced in Thai Buddhism, that it would be found in Bali too. Please forgive me if this sounds like plain ignorance on my part not fully understanding the cultural difference. So my poor little brother was looking high and low for this mysterious Buddha and did not find it. Just those where the snakes resemble the Nazgûl’s winged fell beasts, which I had explicitly asked not to get me. In the end he actually showed a local crafts man the picture who made one especially for me.

Naga Buddha

This reminds me of a story I read once about someone creating a vision board about the perfect house they would like to live in one day, only to realise years later when digging up the old vision board, that they were actually living in exactly the same house as on the photo on the vision board without being aware of it. I now held a Buddha in my hands that came close to what I wanted based on a photo I had looked at so many times hoping I would find it one day. These are only two examples in a line of events that had recently made it from thought into reality.

I remember looking at some photographs of Stonehenge on the walls of the ward I did my first shift on about five years ago. Back then I thought that these might as well be mine since I had some with a nearly identical motive. Ever since I could not shake off the thought of one day having some of my photographs on display in hospital, only to realise last week that my photos are now hanging on the walls of that exact ward that I had the initial thought.

And just to mention on the side that back then I wasn’t permanently employed and that the department that I had been working permanently on for the past three years now had moved twice in that time, only to end up on this one initial ward, which now has my photographs on the walls, all thanks to my manager who suggested it one day after I mentioned on the side that I paint sometimes…

The same goes for our “Awareness Spa“. Within six months we had gone from brainstorming to having led three engaging Mini Retreats. We had a vision and we worked on making it reality. Also the same I found with my on-going training opportunities at work and my arrival in the UK exactly 7 years ago, which you can read more about too if you like. I didn’t have much to live on back then but “knew” that it would be fine. I was on the search for who I really was and on the way I completely reinvented myself. It is almost like writing a script and then acting it out on stage. And it all starts with a single thought.

On the other hand, visions can create equally negative things in your life. For example, somehow I dreaded the thought of slugs in my lettuce which went as far as worrying that one day I might find one in my frozen peas. Unfortunately, I could not shake off this weird thought and one day it happened. Oh the drama of it! 🙂

And then I also used to worry at times that I would meet my ex in the streets, who caused me a lot of fear and anxiety. And yes, he crossed the street as I was driving in a car with my friend and bizarrely cycled along the road when we got back about two hours later. Twice more did I see him cycling past where I live when I “happened” to look out of the window. It has not happened since. I had managed to make peace with it.

The one thing I can’t get my head around sometimes is whether it really was my thoughts that created the outcome, or whether these thoughts were premonitions of an event that was inevitably going to happen. How much can I influence and accordingly change the outcome of such events?

The first law of Esoteric Healing is that “energy follows thought”. How apt and true this is. But in order to use it for our highest good, we first need to learn to become aware of what we are thinking. If you don’t want negative things happening to you, like frozen invertebrates in your peas, aim to try and think in more positive ways. Don’t underestimate the “Power of Thought” and “trust in yourself” and what you believe to be true. Just “know” that it is going to happen, regardless of how ridiculously illogical and unfathomable it may seem at the time. You never know who will be just around the corner (or sitting in some workshop in the centre of Bali) who can tailor fit your dreams to your reality.

A few days ago I created a vision board in view of our latest project, the “Awareness Spa“. Feel free to look at it here. I wonder now if I will soon meet the lady monk with the beautiful serene smile on her face. I have already booked into a monastery that she helped set up 30 years ago. This was another funny thing: Someone enquired if our Mini Retreats (Awareness Spa) were like mindfulness yoga. I had to look this up since I didn’t know what exactly it encompassed. The first person that came up under mindfulness was Thich Nhat Hanh who set up Plum Village (the monastery I just booked). The day after I find this lady monk while creating my vision board and really felt like I need to include her, although I don’t usually go for faces in vision boards. Looking her up later I came straight back to Thich Nhat Hanh, with whom she, as it turns out, had set up Plum Village. And to stretch it even further, Wikipedia’s first sentence states “Mindfulness (Pali: sati,Sanskrit: smṛti; also translated as awareness)”. So back full circle to our Awareness Spa and on the way I had found two people that I possibly can learn from a lot.

Oh look, the sun has suddenly come out again 🙂


Ocean of Bliss

How often do you feel so lost and low that you finally stop and listen to yourself? It might not happen often, sometimes this marks a once in a lifetime moment that can change everything. When we arrive at a point where we think we can’t carry on anymore, be it due to prolonged illness, mental turmoil or abuse, we are faced with two options: end it or make the best of it.

Which option gives you more room for improvement? Like how I would put it: “What have you got to lose if you have hit rock bottom anyway?” That’s it, you might as well get your knees off the dirty and cold floor, take a breath of fresh air and look at what you could do next. Because, believe it or not, there are millions of options to choose from.

When I found myself on this literal floor once again last week, battered by some out-of-control hormones on an emotional destruction derby which the general medicine calls PMS, just to clarify the situation, I found myself hopelessly asking for help from some higher source that I so believe in. But the returning silence also made me wonder how mad I could be to do this, to believe in something that wasn’t even acknowledged by the majority of the population, least of all science, and concluded with the famous “What’s the point of it all anyway?”

As I lay back on the floor, I was actually practicing yoga at the time, I wouldn’t really just lie on the floor, I sighed deeply and gave up expecting an answer from the mystery force which may or may not be out there and switched off. “Whatever happens, happens for a reason”, was my surrendering thought at which I was flooded with a nurturing warm sensation that extended from top to toe and gave me back my hope that all will be well.

I was pleasantly surprised, almost a little bit too surprised since this was not the first time it had happened. I just seem to forget, clouded by the fumes of the destruction derby in my endocrine pathways, that it is so much easier to just surrender to the universe instead of painstakingly ask for help.

You’ve got to see the difference in energetic vibration these two emanate. Asking is an active “wanting of some kind”, which can mean that you might not get it if it isn’t part of your parcel or you aren’t actually ready for it yet. At the same time it may block whatever else tries to reach you.

Surrendering on the other hand is a passive “accepting whatever is for the highest good”. It enables you to receive exactly what you need at that precise moment in time, which essentially serves as a building block for the next task. In a world driven by a “who comes first gets it first attitude”, a simple task like “just letting it happen” can be difficult. We are task orientated and are taught to actively get on the case to reap the fruit of our labour.

Of course it is okay to ask, just don’t expect anything. Instead just let go and assume the surrendering process. This is the basic Law of Attraction.

And especially if we are not thinking clearly, which we likely won’t if we are depressed and can’t see a way out, it becomes even more difficult to remember to just let go and surrender. Yet, when you are, you will be swimming once again on the ocean of bliss that life can be, if you let it.


Previous related posts:

The Power of Thought

Trust – The lesson of a life time


To Practice What I preach

You see, it took me a good week of a persisting cough to actually start using my knowledge of acupressure to push the pressure points said to relieve the problem. And the few reluctant attempts at gargling with salt water or aspirin and the one occasion that I actually laid down to give myself some energy healing are nearly not worth mentioning.

This problem has occurred to me on numerous occasions, at times I even got really irritable if someone gave me advice that I would usually give others, only because I was clearly not using it for myself. I even found myself turning a deaf ear to my mother’s advise to make cold compresses.

The biggest light-bulb moment came when I was asked in a therapy session what I could do to release a build up of anger that wasn’t needed. I timidly explained that maybe I could do the same as I do during my daily centring, connecting and grounding routine, namely visualise a white light washing through my body, taking with it all negative feelings. And while I said it I felt such a fool for doing this procedure EVERY DAY, yet being unable to apply it when I actually really needed it. Why did I train in Energy Healing for two years only to still not get the actual message four years later to simply heal myself with intention.

Why is it so difficult for us to do something about our suffering instead of waiting for someone to take it from us? “Don’t wait for someone to heal you, assume that the healing is already taking place.” Anna

Do I really believe I can help others heal, all the while I completely ignore my own healing? What a hypocrite. Maybe I didn’t learn to heal in order to help humanity, but to actually help myself. Anyhow, healing takes place within us first, after which we can go round the globe and attempt in healing others. I think our ego is not only preventing us from accepting ourselves for who we are but also stops us to deal with our deepest issues, which need a lot of attention and patience and probably endurance as well to get to the core of it.

Why does the ego do this? Quite likely because we have become used to who we are (not to be confused with acceptance), warts and all, and it would not be acceptable to suddenly not have anything left to complain about. We wouldn’t need anyone to look after us if we were all healed. We would fear that we would end up alone because nobody would need us anymore. And we have become so used to rely on others for our comfort and wellbeing. Doctors always have something to prescribe and our friends always need something from us. This gives us the idea of being looked after and also to be of value to others.

So if I was suddenly getting up and began healing myself, what of this cosy comforts would be of need to me? This concept needs a certain amount of getting used to. And it is also partly the same issue why some people simply don’t heal. Because their ego unconsciously tells them that it would mean to let go of all old patterns that define who they are. A very childish version of my inner child sometimes creates a bit of drama just so it can get a sympathising word or a hug. No drama, no hugs? Of course not! No drama, plenty of hugs free from conditions and full of love!

Just sit back and think for a moment. Who do you think you could be by allowing yourself to fully heal and, best of all, be the main contributor of that process?


Reaching for the Stars

Having just watched the mesmerizing “Life of Pi”, I wonder, when is a story just a story? When is a dream just a dream? When does reality begin and phantasy end?

Our whole existence is crammed into a universe, that is reflected as a tiny microcosm in every single cell of us.

A human cell contains about 100 trillion atoms. The Milky Way consists of an estimate 100 thousand million stars. That is twice as many zeros in a cell than in the Milky Way! If my math is right.

Imagine the nucleus of a cell gazing up to see more stars around it than us. Imagine we also are just a cell in an organism that we can’t yet comprehend!

This morning I stumbled across a piece of paper where I had carelessly noted a thought process of mine, which I presently can’t place, but which perfectly fits in here: “If your dreams suddenly collapse, or your realise that you are the dream and not even real, what do you do? Would you rather be a dream dreamt by someone else, or would you be better off as the one having the dream?”

In “Life of Pi”, spoiler alert, he offers two different stories. One is to please those investigating the sinking of the ship. The other is the one that leads to God. Which one will you believe? And where will it lead you?

If something as simple as a story can lead us to a higher being, wouldn’t it also at the same time lead to ourselves? Reverting back to the cell and it’s nucleus,  being just a particle in an organism that we can’t comprehend, we become what we see, hear, feel and eat, and yet we already were what we are about to take in long before we even began to engage all our senses.

The reality of ourselves is what we make it out to be. We will always be perceived differently by different kinds, yet we remain the same. The moment we surrender to the macrocosm, we will come to understand the microcosm. And if we stay true to ourselves, to who we are, macrocosm and microcosm combined, we will grow one day, to reach all the stars in the sky.


A Sound Bath with a Difference

Last week I enjoyed my first full-length crystal bowl sound bath. I was excitedly looking forward to it after having had two short tasters in the past.

In case you don’t know, and even I had to look into it, crystal bowls are made from highly purified quartz powder (approx. 98.9% silicon quartz) which is fused together at a high temperature. They are a more recent product compared to the ancient metal singing bowls traditionally made in Tibet and Nepal. When played, these bowls emit a sound vibration which registers in the fluid of our physical as well as in our more subtle energy bodies. Sound healing is a fantastic tool which works gently, yet with a sometimes surprising intensity.

Another reason why crystal bowls in particular work is because apparently our bones, blood, brain and DNA are crystalline in structure and our cells contain silica, which is the same formula as natural quartz crystal. So when the crystal bowls are played, the crystalline cells in our body begin to vibrate at the same frequency as the bowls. You do the maths.

I have been very busy this year with a lot of major new projects and was really looking forward to the opportunity to just lie flat on the floor (the most humble and relaxing position) and enjoy a good hour of sound healing. Using the sound of my Tibetan healing bowl in my own workshops, I was ever so pleased to have someone else (the magnificent Wenche) create beautiful waves of sound that sent my body and mind into the most exquisite state of apathy.

For a long time I was even able to resist the urge to move or relieve that niggling itch until the nerves in my left hand got  the better of it and twitched involuntarily. My joints began to feel painfully stiff from my self-imposed “corpse pose”, so I began to move my hands and feet lightly when a massive bang and shattering of glass interrupted us. I knew instantly that one of the bowls must have broken and I worried that it was me. When I’m not fully in control of my physical movements and thoughts at the same time, I have in the past been blowing numerous light bulbs or other electrical equipment, not to mention the electric shocks from various metal objects. Since I learned to actively work with energies, these occurrences have lessened, but still happen now and again. I wasn’t the only one who reported sensations of restlessness before the bowl burst.

Before the start of the sound healing session, Wenche was talking about the upcoming shift of human consciousness later in the months, so it now appeared to be very auspicious, especially since she didn’t even play the bowl when it broke. The bowl was tuned to the note A, the brow chakra/third eye and had the attribute of Capricorn, whose zodiac sign we will be entering on the long-awaited day of doom and gloom, December 21st. Wenche was, however, playing the bowls on the other side, among which was the bowl associated with the heart chakra, which not only resonates more with me and my Sacred Centre work, but also leads me to another topic that I stumbled across on my research on crystal bowls.

(From In the ancient lands of Egypt, the healers travelled from door to door with a special healing Crystal Bowl called the “Faience Bowl”. It was tuned to the note of F# for the high heart. The ancients believed that the way to facilitate healing is by opening the high heart that connects the hearts of all beings. The high heart is the one heart that connects all hearts to the One, to spirit, to God. It is located in the thymus gland or the center for the immune system. To ancient Egyptians, it was the heart and not the brain that was the seat of emotion, thought, will and intention. Since I began my work to lead others into their heart space, their “Sacred Centre”, I have come across a few mentions and stories of like-minded people and in general the importance of moving up into the higher chakras, in conjunction with the rise of consciousness in line with December 21st.

According to Wenche, bowls don’t just shatter like that, especially not when she didn’t even play the one in question. She said it literally jumped off its rubber ring. If you want, you can see it as an auspicious sign, a sign of higher ascension and the beginning of a new age, shattering of old habits and past thinking. The third eye is associated with wisdom, higher vision and insight, but surely it would teach us a much bigger lesson by staying intact and gently opening our sixth centre instead of shocking us out of our minds. Or is that, after all, exactly what we needed?

Anyway, after the initial physical reaction to the shock of a loud noise and possible danger, I thought to myself that this is yet another perfect situation to let go of  my past fears. Interestingly, I found a suitable attribute to the third eye during research: “The state of our fears, experience, memories and facts come together to be our wisdom. The development of detachment is in this chakra. ” How very true and important this is for me. And without knowing it then, this was exactly what I did. And as the sound bath continued around me, I let it wash away my thumping heart beat together with old fears and anxieties.

Still, I had to find out what the likelihood of a crystal bowl breaking was. Spectrum Wellbeing states that “on rare occasions and not always for any apparent reason, quartz bowls have been known to shatter while they are being played. All quartz bowls are susceptible to this, though this is a rare happening and has fortunately never happened to us although we have often done some of the things we are now warning against! To minimise the risk of breaking, never play the bowl with excessive force, don’t hit the bowl with the stick, only tap lightly, keep bowls a foot apart from each other when playing, don’t play a very large bowl in a very tiny room, play on the outside of the rim and not on the inside. A 15 minute break is recommended to ensure that the energy field is not overloaded and everyone has a chance to assimilate the changes.

In the end, nobody will know for sure why it happened. The cynics will insist that any of the cautionary terms above weren’t met, whereas the spiritually minded will insist on their auspicious signs. Everyone gets out of it what they believe to be true, or just to mention another theme of the third eye chakra:  “As you think, so you become”.

If you have the chance to attend a crystal bowl sound bath, go for it! It might feel strange at first, some find they have to leave the room because it influences them strongly. You are likely to benefit most if you can just accept it and let it happen for the highest good.

Have a listen to this YouTube video if you want to know what crystal bowls sound like.

More on the ascension theory I found here.

After the sound bath we sat in a circle and, after discussing the event of the broken bowl, we were asked to describe how we feel in one word. “Immortal” came up for me, which surely can’t mean the end of everything 😉


About the Naga Buddha and fighting Fear

Yesterday, I stumbled across a little stall with beautiful old South East Asian statues on the London Yoga Show, and was promptly introduced to the Buddha of my birthday (Saturday), namely Naga Buddha (pang nak prok). According to Thai belief, and influenced by the philosophy of Buddhism, there are seven postures of the Buddha, depicting a state of being, resembling actual happenings on each day of the week.

Now, the only thing I don’t like about this Naga Buddha is the fact that “Nāga” is the Sanskrit word for a deity  or being, taking the form of a very great snake, specifically the king cobra, found in Hinduism and Buddhism. However, on the other hand it didn’t surprise me a bit, considering that the term snake has been on my mind rather vividly for the past six months up to the point where I thought I’m about to lose it because I had the weird fear that they might come up the toilet and every time something moved near me, outdoors as much as indoors my first thought was it could be a snake. Let me explain.

I do not, at the best of times, like snakes and avoid swimming pools for the unrelated fear that there could be some in there (nearly impossible in western Europe) and even feel repulsed by pictures of them and feel the need to switch channels should anything related pop up on TV. I suppose this isn’t necessarily a phobia but merely an excessive innate response to danger, which all of us humans share to a certain degree.

A few significant changes have taken place this year so far. Not only did I start a new year one, but also did I start a new year seven cycle, the 5th, to be precise. According to numerology, a year one shows a new beginning, a fresh start, full power and potential for new projects and the determination to see it through. A numerological year begins and ends with your birthday. You can determine which year you are in by adding together your day and month of birth with the current year. Then there are different sources that talk about the seven year cycle, which doesn’t only include the complete change of the cells in our body, but also comprises of the understanding that we change mentally, evolve, mature and possibly even change in personality.

So quite naturally I jumped into this new chapter of mine setting up my own complementary business, offering workshops, learning new skills and just as naturally found myself including Kundalini Yoga in my usual yoga practice, which, surprise surprise, talks of the sleeping coiled up serpent at the base of the spine.  Kundalini is actually the Sanscrit word for “coiled” and  the aim is to awaken this sleeping energy and enable it to rise up the spine to the higher energy centres, ultimately in search of enlightenment. Some call it the yoga of awareness because it focuses on raising consciousness.

I found the idea of a sleeping serpent at the base of my spine rather unpleasant and would avoid thinking about it. But it wasn’t long after that I had a strange experience during meditation. I suddenly became aware of a huge snake curling itself around my crossed legs and rising up behind me, covering me with its massive head and open hood. Ok, there I was sincerely trying to accept this situation as it was, not letting fear reign my responses and trusting in the good of this unusual event. An image of Buddha came to my mind, where he sits in crossed legged meditation when it begins to rain heavily and a large king cobra (Mucalinda) comes in and provides shelter  and protection for him, just like the snake in my vision. While I just sat there, trying to figure out the meaning of it all, I finally came to the conclusion that it probably is just about trusting in the good of everything and that this snake was not here to scare me. However, I still found the proximity of it rather unpleasant, so I kindly asked it to leave, which it did without remorse.

The first, and until now the only time something similar had happened was when I was much younger, maybe 13, when I was playing in a tent in the garden when I became aware of a presence, which turned out to be a big snake. Just to make this clear, I grew up with the awareness of other dimensions and beings that were not presenting themselves in physical form. So this snake was just like the encounter described above, an energetic link, to something I had no idea of at the time. Back then I wasn’t particularly frightened, more curious and the snake didn’t stay very long.

Now to the mythology behind this mysterious Nāga. In Sanscrit, nāga is a cobra, a specific type of hooded snake. In Hinduism, particularly in India, nāgas are considered nature spirits and the protectors of springs, wells and rivers. They bring rain, and thus fertility, but are also thought to bring disasters such as floods and drought, but usually only when they have been mistreated. They are snakes that may take human form and tend to be very curious.

Varuna, the Vedic god of storms, is viewed as the King of the nāgas. The nāgas also carry the elixir of life and immortality. There are a few stories that involve fights with Garuda, the eagle deity, which gives the impression that the snakes are evil, but reading up on the story it emerges that it all boils down to a failed bet between their mothers.

Shining the light back onto my own little story, I find it interesting, even with little impact on reality, that I chose the nickname “Storm” for online applications in my teens, which I now know is the king of the Nāgas. And I always refered to water, which I mainly drink, as compared to hot or fizzy drinks, as “the Elixir of Life” since I believe that it is good practice to drink plain water to keep the body hydrated. Also, my zodiac and moon sign is Aquarius, which, despite the fact that it is an air sign, is depicted as the water carrier. These are just a few seemingly insignificant details which, however, weigh heavily on my intuition sense. Could all these small little things actually mean something? Are they just small indications of a bigger system that is beyond our comprehension?

It really did cost me great strength to type king cobra into google to find out more about it, fearing all the nasty photos. It was nearly as bad as actually going directly into the snake department at the zoo. The specific name for the king cobra is actually Ophiophagus hannah and I notice with a slight grin that it even sort of has my name “anna” in it…but hey, let’s not get too superstitious here 🙂

The question arising at the end of all this is: What is it that I don’t want to acknowledge about myself? All the signs are there to indicate that this serpent, or Nāga, is my personal symbol to work with and achieve my goals, even to protect me, and it has been trying to present itself to me soo many times, yet I still block it because I feel so repulsed by its mere image. In the end it is fear that is stopping me from fulfilling my higher purpose, which is something I really ought to start working on resolving right now! And I think that is the whole reason behind all these snake references I have encountered over the past months. I am now ready to face my fear and stand up for myself. I can work towards becoming who I innately know I am, and stop worrying that I’m won’t be capable of being that person.

As the magnificent Maya Fiennes said on yesterday’s Kundalini yoga workshop: “If we wanted to be perfect, we wouldn’t have needed to come on earth. Life on earth is not supposed to be perfect. We are here to experience, to live and to learn.”

And just what a fantastic journey life is!


Prana and the Heart Beat

I recently had to write an assignment about the human heart and despite the fact that I had learned about the basic anatomy and the flow of blood through the heart years ago, I was not, until now, aware of the function of our “natural pacemaker”. This is namely the sinoatrial node, which triggers an electric impulse that pushes the blood out of the heart on its journey around the body.

My curiosity was awakened trying to figure out what exactly it is that triggers this node. All medical notes agree that it is controlled by the autonomic or involuntary nervous system, the part of the peripheral nervous system that acts as a control system and functions largely below the level of our consciousness. Well, this is very interesting indeed, and it is quite amazing to realise that my whole physical existence relies on that one little node to keep me in sinus rhythm. A similar example is breathing, which also is triggered by the involuntary nervous system.

Yet, for me it wasn’t enough to just give in to the remote explanation that my heart runs by some unconscious response system. Call me a fantasist, but to me it is clear that this is where the universal life force comes in. This basic subtle energy, call it prana, qi or simply energy, permeates everything. It’s what spins the atom and thus creates life. It is unfortunate that the majority of people are oblivious to the existence of a much subtler and yet higher force of life and it is even more unfortunate that it’s existence can not be proven.

Let me give you an example, which is my personal proof for the above: When I allow healing to take place with subtle energies, 90% of clients have reported a temporary rise in heart beat, coinciding at and around the time when I was applying the prana triangle.

To explain in more detail: according to Esoteric Healing, prana (life force) is assimilated by the spleen. In ordinary medicine, the spleen is not a vital organ and works mainly as a blood filter and, together with the lymphatic system, helps ward off infections. This alone suggest to me that the reason why it isn’t a vital organ is because it plays such a different role. We can live without the spleen, albeit we will be a little bit more prone to catch an infection. Etherically, within our energy body, the energetic version of the spleen will still be present, hence prana can still be harvested.

Also in Esoteric Healing, a practitioner works with triangles, meaning that three points of resonance are joined together by thought, or with the helping indication of hands. A triangle is a common divine symbol and by connecting e.g. a major chakra with an associated organ and its minor chakra, the subtle energies are activated, enabling blocked energies to flow again, with the aim to assist the natural healing of the physical body. This can often be felt in the physical body at the time, or some time after the treatment.

So, going back to the raise in heart beat. The three points that form the prana triangle are as follows: vagus point + heart minor chakra + spleen minor. This is said to distribute prana through the body. And because it incorporates the heart minor chakra, it is possible to directly affect the heart and thus cause a temporary rise in heart beat due to the enhanced flow of prana.

The vagus point, on the other hand, works with the vagus nerve which branches out into the superior cardiac branches which communicates with the cardiac branches of the sympathetic nervous system (one of the three parts of the autonomic nervous system, mainly there to mobilize the body’s fight-or-flight response). Furthermore, they lead on to the cardiac plexus, a plexus of nerves situated at the base of the heart that innervates the heart, which might also enhance the sensation of heart beat and possibly even directly affect the sinoatrial node. But this is my own speculation and obviously without any scientific evidence. And I am sincerely open to discuss this with anyone from any background – medical as well as esoteric.

Still, to me, life force has much more to do with the workings of our physical body than we might think, especially when it comes to unconscious responses. What is our unconscious anyway, other than a pool of resources that we are yet unaware of?

Happy discovering!


The Ideal of Truth of a Dreamer

I sincerely strive for the truth in all. I am a critic as much as I am a believer. This in its own is probably the biggest contradiction in the known universe.

Sometimes I feel a right fool, because I can’t prove any of my experiences. I catch myself trying to explain to myself why it is possible that my mother feels my distant healing although she lives a few hundred miles away, or why I knew that the postman was just approaching and would bring me a parcel before I even saw or heard him, or that I sometimes catch people’s thoughts…

Yes, there is a certain degree of coincidence and predictability to be found in all of the above. And the critic in me is forever analysing, aiming to find the proof. And the believer in me just smiles and says: “It’s just the way it is.”

The thing with extra sensory perception is that it is subject to change at any given moment. A future, once seen, can change the very next second, because it depends on many, many incidents that we can’t possibly grasp. But only because it can’t be predicted to a tee, it doesn’t mean that seeing the future is impossible. And the thing with catching other’s thoughts: I have figured out that for once I need to have met the person and second it depends on the intensity of the thought put out. And sometimes it is only a split second beforehand that I know what is going to happen. That, of course, doesn’t really help, and again, can be put down to a mere coincidence (or the fact that one side of my brain works faster than the other).

You might wonder why I feel so passionate about these coincidences. Well, they just keep happening, with an intensity and obvious unpredictability that I know that there is more behind it than just a silly coincidence!

Why do I even need proof? I could just accept that it works for myself and carry on improving whatever skill this might be. But in order to fully develop that sense it would be best that I leave my life here behind and move into the woods and live as a recluse for the rest of my life, since it appears to be impossible to fully develop this sense as long as there are contradicting words and voices around. But do I really want to abandon everything I have worked for in my life?

My passion for life erupts from the urge to help and unite the world as a whole. Being a critic and believer, a dreamer and analyst, I see both sides of the coin at the same time. This can be insightful, as much as it can be confusing at times. I carry a huge resource of understanding around with me. And it can be upsetting when other’s don’t have that understanding and instead of attempting to understand, rather criticise.

It saddens me to see that there is such a huge rift in the worlds between believers and critics of all believes and thoughts. Fanatics and one-pointed thoughts aren’t good, regardless of which camp they stand on. I live by Siddhartha’s words: “The right path is the middle path.” There is no right or wrong. Every critic has a dream, every believer analyses. All we need is a reserve tank of acceptance.

Just why is it so damn hard to just accept myself the way I am?

I don’t need to prove myself to anybody! It’s just when I want to share my dreams and believes that I seemingly hit a wall. That’s the only moment where I feel the need to prove myself. But really, that shouldn’t stop me from striving for the highest goal.

Neither should it stop you!


Universal Mysteries and Rubber Ducks

At times I feel I have encoded the mysteries of the universe. Then I am back in reality as if nothing ever happened. Yet, they keep popping up, like rubber ducks amidst a chopping sea.

About two or three years ago, I wrote the following to my healing teacher at the time:

“I am at the point where I stop doubts and thoughts and just am.

And although I thought I knew quite a bit, every day brings some other revelation, realisation or experience that brings me a million times closer to what is.

I am in a strange place where the saying “those who speak don’t know, and those who know don’t speak” becomes weirdly true, because I feel like I am in a bubble full of awe and fascination of the beauty and simplicity around me that don’t need any more attention in means of loud voices and unnecessary attentionseeking procedures but just mere acceptance that it is.

Every attempt to find words to describe this state or the incredible vastness of everything, comparable to the open space where you don’t know where it ends, just leaves me speechless and takes me back into my very own centre to rest peacefully with the knowledge that is.

Every single healing session is a full success. The feedback amazing, especially with distant healing. It is incredible to witness that it is possible to send someone, that you have never met in person, nor do you know what they look like or where exactly they are, but still do you manage to make a connection with the result of them saying “hey I feel so much more vitalised, now I can do what I ought to do but couldn’t cos I felt so tired!”

Or with these out-of-body experiences in general. I had myself look at my astral projection while looking at my physical self. And I realised that I must have done that loads of times more than ten years ago already, but then I thought it was an unwelcome presence of whoever so I had to open my eyes quickly during meditation because it was so scary. Now I see that it was myself because I recognise the eyes and presence of myself which is the same as it was back then.

And when you said that I should think why I would want to develop these astral projections, I came to the conclusion that this is exactly why I feel the need to help the world. Because I have abilities that can be helpful. But I also know that this is still a long, long way to go.

Every book I read gives me examples and explanations to things that have been going on with myself for soo long and that I never knew an answer to. It doesn’t stop. It all makes so much sense now that again, it leaves me speechless.

I am and I know.”

Now, I am a little embarrassed about this weird outburst of what appears a moment of light-headedness. But in that very moment it was all very true and real.

Three years on, and I am non the wiser 🙂

The more I learn, the more I realise that I know nothing.

And in a way, that is rather reassuring, for what would I do if I knew it all?


The Miracle of Conception and the Life Ahead

We wait for miracles to happen but don’t realise that we are the miracle!

In an attempt to understand the physical and physiological changes during my menstrual cycle I began writing an independent blog in which I noted down how I felt and what had been going on in my life and also looked up what was going on within my body on a hormonal level. This blog is not rocket science and it is more a diary for myself than a big encyclopedia of a woman’s cycle but to me it made a huge difference in understanding what exactly is actually going on at certain days apart from obvious mood swings and cramps.

I also realised that technically it isn’t that easy to conceive at all. Call me naive, but I never gave it much thought apart from the fact that you would simply just get pregnant. In actual fact, there is only one egg that is being released in each cycle and it only lives for 12 to 24 hours before it disintegrates. So what are the chances of actually getting pregnant? Luckily the male sperm can survive around 5 days in the female cervix. Therefore, if you are really trying for a baby your best chances are the five days leading up to the day of ovulation which takes place around day 14 to 16 of your cycle.

The interesting thing in regards to my own personal process of creation was that my mother had a pituitary adenoma which influenced the hormones commonly associated with reproduction and she was told by her doctors that she will probably not be able to have children. Neither my mother nor my father thought it necessary to use standard precautions (incredible!) and it wasn’t until my mother went into hospital with suspected appendicitis that she learned that she was in actual fact pregnant. At this point my father asked her to have an abortion since he happened to be otherwise engaged, which my mother refused. He then said that he didn’t want to be involved and has ever since kept to his self-proclaimed promise.

At this point my mother was about three months pregnant and prior to the unexpected news she had already booked in to see a psychologist due to stress-related issues which beside others included the same name coursing through her mind over and over again. This name turned out to be my birth name in full hyphenated length which makes me believe that I, as a soul or spirit being, was aiming to get here all along despite all the obstacles. I must have fought for it really hard because my mother remembers that she felt pretty rough during her pregnancy.

Presently I am reading “Anastasia” from the Ringing Cedars Series. This basically formed the thought for writing this blog. In this  she implies that intercourse should only take place when a man and a woman sincerely wish to create a child and that it is purely today’s society that makes us believe we should engage in sexual activities for pleasure. This, obviously, is down to each individuals desire and I don’t want to state that Anastasia’s opinion is what we should all strive for, but, I do get her point. Just pick up any random magazine, switch to any random TV channel and you will literally be bombarded with sexually inclined pictures, quotes, tips and the likes. It really does go a little bit too far and might leave people who have less desire to indulge in carnal pleasure feel less worth and a failure, just like nobody looks like a hollywood star!

“Tell me who – which individual – would want to come into the world as a result of carnal pleasures alone? We would all like to be created under a great impulsion of love, the aspiration to co-creation itself, and not simply come into the world as a result of someone’s carnal pleasure.”
Anastasia, page 64

It made me think how much the act of our creation impacts on our life. I think I have turned out to be a magnificent being with a multitude of interests and a very open and engaging mind. However, I am also plagued with abandonment issues and commitment fears, which already form a constant contradiction in their own right. But I also often think that maybe I shouldn’t be here because I wasn’t wanted.

This leads me to another story I would like to bring in about a girl who always said she feels older than she actually is and she also always said that she wants a baby and doesn’t want the father to be living with her. This is her choice, but when she finally announced she was pregnant a lot of people independently came to the conclusion that she had willfully ensured she would get pregnant to which she never gave a proper account. She now has broken off all contact to the father and said that she doesn’t want him to be involved. To me it is so obvious that she just wanted to get pregnant and judging by how controlling she is in her life, closely resembling a military procedure, knowing her medical knowledge as a professional and how clever she is together with the mere fact that there are only a maximum of 24 hours to conceive and she wished for a baby so strongly I am sure that she timed it well. When I asked her how it happened she just said: “Don’t ask” and laughed it off…

For some reason this stirs up a lot of emotions within myself, and I wonder why. The situation is similar to my own as in having been raised by a single mother with the difference that I was rejected by my father whereas she rejected the father of her child. The last, and most important question is whether her child was created accidentally as she makes it look like to others or whether I and others can trust their intuition that she did it on purpose. And nobody will ever know for sure because she won’t tell the truth if it doesn’t fit in with her plan of action.

It is not my part to get involved into her life it just makes me look at the act of conception a little bit more closely. These days there are so many young mums around that accidentally “happened” to fall pregnant. Some will decide for an abortion believing that it isn’t the right timing. On the other hand there are many, many people who want to become pregnant but for some reason can’t. One question arises: “What life do we offer a child that we selfishly demand or unwittingly bring into the world?” I believe that we all are born with a life task which is entirely different in each individual. A friend of mine even said in line with the Anastasia books that each time a man ejaculates a soul gets ready to incarnate. Nobody knows the full extend of our being and who we really are. And even we ourselves discover new parts of ourselves at any time in our lives. Some will need more attention, some might even seem so overburdening that we think we can’t carry on anymore and others might make us rise above ourselves evidently making us stronger.

We certainly shouldn’t judge others because their life plan is different to ours. That’s what makes us as a species so interesting and diverse and creates so many learning opportunities to grow on personally and spiritually. And maybe we can give the incredible 12 hours in which we come into existence a little bit more credit and see it as the miracle that it really is.


The Power of Thought

There is an ever-increasing awareness that positive thought does contribute to a better lifestyle. But do we actually really understand what that means?

Last week I had an interesting conversation in which a lady told me about a part in herself, which she gave a rather mundane name, but which also helped her to achieve better health. She would literally call this part in herself by its name and say: “I am not feeling so well, please help me to get better soon.” And even after having had an operation on her foot, her doctor was surprised at the fast rate of healing she experienced.

I can give you two explanations as to how and why her approach works. First of all, we all have a tremendous capacity to self-heal and applying the esoteric law that “Energy follows Thought” she directed her thoughts exactly to where healing was needed. The other thing she probably unknowingly did was to connect with the Devas (beings of nature) of the part of her body in need of healing which promptly followed her request for faster healing and set to work.

I understand that these are complex theories which don’t work for everyone, particularly if there is no previous knowledge to base it on. But having experienced the almost unbelievable effect of pure thought send out and the accurate result that follows it still leaves even me gobsmacked at times.

The most profound and also least understood experiences are encountered during a healing treatment in which I use my thoughts to direct the flow of energy through and around the body. Some people will be aware of the shifting energies, others will leave none the wiser. It makes me sad when people openly proclaim (and it is their right to do so) that they don’t feel they benefit from a treatment unless it involved some sort of touch as in a massage for example. But this is their thought, and I shouldn’t let myself be put down by it.

Nowadays we give far too much responsiblity to the medical and pharmaceutical enterprises instead of going within and heal ourselves. And even if we consider alternative approaches, it still means that we haven’t really understood how powerful we are. And it is obvious though, isn’t it? All we do with our thoughts is to look for treatments, look for solutions look for someone who can help us. But by doing so, our thoughts are all over the place looking around us for answers. We have forgotten that most answers lay right inside of us. And this equates to most of our daily life issues. Of course, I am not telling you to ignore the medical profession! I just wish that medical and alternative practitioners could work more closely together, because together it would be really effective instead of both just battling on alone. But this will probably still take a while…

Another great way of playing with the power of our thoughts and also a good starting point to begin to understand the complexity of it is “cosmic ordering”. Again, whichever way you want to call it, it doesn’t matter. It is based on the Law of Attraction: what you put out you will get. This can mean to simply hold a thought in your mind of something you would really like to achieve or possess, or if it is a little more complex you can also write it down. The important thing to bear in mind is that it works best if you believe that you already have what you desire. Because this way the law off attraction will give you more of what you already have.

But be careful what you wish for! I once wished to find someone who loved me and ended up in an emotionally abusive relationship where he thoroughly believed he loved me but in a rather unhealthy and addictive way. Concentrate on positive expressions and leave out negative wordings like “no” and “not” and instead focus on the things you do want.

Think pure, think simple, base it on divine love and while maintaining the sensation of having it in your life at the same time let go of it and lean back knowing that whatever happens will happen for a reason.

This, I believe, is the way to live.


Sixth Sense vs Common Sense

What exactly is the difference between extrasensory and normal perception? And how “normal” is our normal perception? And how big a part does intuition play?

If we think about the development of our five normal senses touch, sight, smell, hearing and taste we acknowledge that they were clearly there when we were born but needed to be experimented with and developed in order to give us the full use of them. If I was to propose that a sixth sense of intuition or higher perception was there just as much as the other senses when we were born but wasn’t given the necessary attention for it to develop properly, it would suggest that we all possess that extra sense but not all of us are aware of it.

Take a person with an auditory or visual impairment for example. One “standard” sense is gone, which gives more emphasis on another sense. In someone who has no eye sight the sense of touch will have developed increasingly stronger .

Some people claim that they are in touch with a higher source or channel the deceased calling themselves medium and are probably right, just that some I have seen possess by far too big an ego. If we conclude that we all have this sense and just the awareness is not there than we really don’t need an ego to stand up for us. We simply need to develop that sense and perception within us.

We all possess a certain degree of intuition, once again depending on the level of awareness and development. I sometimes find it difficult to distinguish between mere common sense and a heightened awareness. Uncountable times have I thought about something and it happened. This raises the question whether I could sense that it would happen, that I made it happen by thinking about it or that it is one of those 50/50 chances that it would probably have happened anyway! Read here about “The Magic of making the Sun shine“.

A few days ago I spoke to someone who was with a person the moment he died. It was expected, but she said that she already worried when she entered the room that he would pass away while she was with him. And she just couldn’t shake off that feeling. Until it happened. This is just one example for the many situations where something similar has happened to me. I don’t just mean cases involving death, but also other more random every day situations. The reason why I mentioned this example is that it made me aware of how really any person has this sense. Because, no offence, but I didn’t think of her as very aware of a sixth sense, I might be wrong. Yet she picked up on it. It seems to be more the intensity of the felt emotions behind the thought when “thoughts come true”. It’s not usually a mere thought that passes but it repeats and nags and gives you an intense sensation. Whenever I think of someone with that intensity I usually get a text from them within the next hour.

According to the mesmerizing Derren Brown, dubbed a ‘psychological illusionist’ by the press, neither mediumship nor any other form of subtle or higher power exists and that it is all just a trick of the mind which is very easily influenced. This I find very fascinating and grounding. Yet, I am also adamant to one day demonstrate to him that there is indeed another dimension  around us which we can work with. I just need to develop that sense properly. And this is the hard part. Because it can’t be proven, because it is so “unreal” and because I doubt myself on so many occasions it is a rocky road to travel on.

I often know what is going to happen but I put it down to common sense. It was clearly logical and made sense that this is what would have happened next. Or was it? Some people might just not think that far ahead. They say they had no idea what was going to happen next. It brings me back to my previous post of the Inner Self. There I described the connection of the brain with our gut feeling. That the gut actually contains the same cells found in the brain, putting the “gut feeling” into a different light. A question that just popped into my head: Does our gut possibly think faster than our brain?

Oh the confusion of it all!

Still I believe that we can all access that higher intuition and make use of it. Just become aware of it! Realise that it is there and feel it, experiment with it!  Take notes of how it works for you. What were the signs, how did it manifest? I have a little book where I write all those things down that were just too obviously not just common sense. And after a few years I now have a little almanac filled with interesting facts and considerations which clearly indicate a system, an accumulation of events that I would long have forgotten about if I hadn’t written it down. This little books helps me over the periods of doubt and makes me more open to explore this fascinating part of myself.

And if we all function from our Inner Self and establish a stable connection to our Higher Self, we automatically obtain a heightened awareness of the world around us. Maybe this is what the Sixth Sense is all about.

Read about the Inner and Higher Self here.