Defining Self

by Anna

As I was running errands in town today and stopped at a pedestrian crossing, a tourist bus passed me by and I noticed a young boy’s head eagerly taking in anything he could catch of the world that was passing by on the other side of the window.

For a brief second I saw the world through his eyes, filled with excitement and wonder at the buildings, streets, sea gulls and people that were new to him. More in particular I saw myself, standing slightly annoyed with a hue of impatience at the traffic light figuring out how to best tackle the oncoming front of mothers armed with fully loaded prams.

This I suppose is what one would call self-awareness, which I often see lacking in other people. Whereas I tend to have too much of it, which can be frustrating if you have perfectionist tendencies and are forever trying to reinvent yourself on the way to becoming a better person, the urge of which is driven by minor setbacks evolving from interactions with others.

Deepak Chopra says in his latest book “Super Brain”: “Self-awareness changes perception. The subtle regions of awareness are where the real power lies. The more aware we are, the more power we have over reality.”

I believe it is this awareness that makes it possible for me to help others as much as myself to heal, or at least to straighten myself up a little and put on a smile every now and again. Although I still have the notion of doubting myself, which, coupled with my perfectionist thinking and the disbelief of others, is destructive to the power of healing and, as Deepak says, reality.

I get profound messages popping up in my mind at times, usually when I least expect it, when I am just about to fall asleep or have a vacant moment while daydreaming. Listen to this one: “There will be a time when the need to prove and explain oneself and their gifts will simply fall away, become unnecessary. Then we can be fully integrated beings, functioning at our highest level.”

It is true that we really shouldn’t have to explain our existence. However, if you feel that the purpose of your existence is to heal the world, or even to prepare the world to heal, this can be pretty challenging, especially if it isn’t always very clear how this is supposed to be done. The little messages I get every now and again may be reassuring and open my awareness a little bit more to the profound possibilities the universe has on offer, but to then go and explain that to others who don’t have the concept or understanding of this can be ever such a tough journey.

Ego aside, I am not the one who actually does the healing. I see myself more as a road sign that can give you an idea where you are going compared to ridding you of all your problems there and then. Life is a journey – and I am just a sign on the way. There is no need to name my skills or gifts. They just are who I am. I aim to help opening the gates to a higher awareness, not carry you there single handed. This is a developmental process. The first step towards a new aspect of the self, which works differently for different people.

Looking at my main job in clinical healthcare it increasingly dawns on me that my extrasensory abilities and awareness are needed there especially more than in any holistic or alternative environment. Although I am not permitted to practice my complementary skills at my work place, it is my deeper insight, understanding, awareness and additional knowledge that enables me to treat a patient in all aspects and see them as more than just a person with an illness.

Gandhi said: “The patient is the most important person in the hospital. He is not an interruption to our work, he is the purpose of it. He is not an outsider in our hospital, he is part of it. We are not serving a favour by serving him, he is doing us a favour by giving us an opportunity to do so.”

Sometimes I can see into people’s soul and work with them on that soul-to-soul level. I look inside them, not at them. This brings about a great amount of compassion and requires the ability to truly listen – with heart and head.

My task is not to fix or heal you, but to help you heal yourself.