Feeding Anger or Spreading the Light

by Anna

I’m asking myself what effectively gets you further: courtesy or plain rudeness. Besides the fact that I don’t think I would be capable of being rude I get terribly upset if my friendly approach doesn’t get returned or even if I find out that I have been lied to, despite all my niceness, small talk and plenty of expressions of gratitude.

Yes, it might be that I take this too personal, but I honestly just don’t get it. I begin to believe that maybe I am just too naive. I have the tendency to believe in the good in everyone, hence I got caught up in an emotionally abusive relationship. And I didn’t know how to tell someone that she kept upsetting me because I sincerely believed she didn’t know she was doing it and didn’t want to upset her, when she suddenly told me that I was the one being rude and cocky.

She had stopped talking to me after she asked me why I had behaved differently recently and I had told her then, although I still didn’t know how to say it without upsetting her. And she is still not talking to me after nearly a year. And I decided that it is her problem, not mine, based on the evidence that she fell out and stopped talking to an average of two people per year since I met her.

I once stopped talking to a close childhood friend because she did something which affected me and I didn’t think was right. It was eight years until I gave in to my curiosity to find out what she was up to and looked her up on Facebook. But we had grown apart, or maybe we never were particularly close after all. “Just a childhood friendship”, nothing based on common interests. Interestingly, one of the many reasons I stopped talking to her was that I knew if I wanted to change I had to get out and move away. Falling out with her was basically my ejector seat to a new life.

I have learned from my past experiences and have begun to talk directly about my feelings instead of bottling it up, running away or stop talking. When you’re too open, you’re also more prone to feeling upset. Though you might think that being positive and self-assured would make it less likely for other’s criticism to take hold. And maybe that is why it gets me down so much when I don’t seem to get anywhere despite my best efforts for everyone to like me. Why do I want everyone to like me? Where does this need come from? Is it an insecurity of not being good enough?

You can’t change or influence other’s actions, especially not when they don’t care who you are or what you do. This seems to be more so when the other person feels threatened by your own actions, however good-willed or polite you might be, because they innately fear that you are going to be better than them or even are going to make them look incapable of doing their job.

People often say things they don’t mean. Words sometimes fall out of someone’s mouth like apples from a tree. That’s just what they do. So really no reason to take those personal. And if words are spoken with intention and they upset you, again, don’t get affected by them, question the reason behind them and voice your opinion. It is a strange thing, that two people can fall out because they think that the other one is in the wrong, yet both parties believe to be in the right. This is a universal paradox. And yes, there could well be two different realities, opinions, ways that are equally right, each from their own point of view, just not from the other’s point of view.

This took me a while to understand. “Acceptance is the key to cure”, it is said in the recent zombie teen flick “Warm Bodies”. There the zombies develop a feeling of love, which appeared after watching the human girl and the zombie boy holding hands and literally jump-started their hearts again. Those zombies that had given up turned into evil monsters, but love cured the remaining zombies and made them nearly human again. A wonderful comparison!

So when I felt suddenly very down again because someone had made a comment in a rather upsetting way, which was completely ducking me under the murky waters of misery and non-comprehension, I remembered how important it is to remain positive, because negativity is, unfortunately, much more contagious and spreads much faster than positivity. So I had the choice of either feeding anger or spreading the light. And I chose to spread the light, because I thought that if I have the awareness and the capability to change at least something, than I should damn well get on and do it! 🙂

“All you need is love.”  The Beatles

Read my blog about the power of thought here.