The Ideal of Truth of a Dreamer

by Anna

I sincerely strive for the truth in all. I am a critic as much as I am a believer. This in its own is probably the biggest contradiction in the known universe.

Sometimes I feel a right fool, because I can’t prove any of my experiences. I catch myself trying to explain to myself why it is possible that my mother feels my distant healing although she lives a few hundred miles away, or why I knew that the postman was just approaching and would bring me a parcel before I even saw or heard him, or that I sometimes catch people’s thoughts…

Yes, there is a certain degree of coincidence and predictability to be found in all of the above. And the critic in me is forever analysing, aiming to find the proof. And the believer in me just smiles and says: “It’s just the way it is.”

The thing with extra sensory perception is that it is subject to change at any given moment. A future, once seen, can change the very next second, because it depends on many, many incidents that we can’t possibly grasp. But only because it can’t be predicted to a tee, it doesn’t mean that seeing the future is impossible. And the thing with catching other’s thoughts: I have figured out that for once I need to have met the person and second it depends on the intensity of the thought put out. And sometimes it is only a split second beforehand that I know what is going to happen. That, of course, doesn’t really help, and again, can be put down to a mere coincidence (or the fact that one side of my brain works faster than the other).

You might wonder why I feel so passionate about these coincidences. Well, they just keep happening, with an intensity and obvious unpredictability that I know that there is more behind it than just a silly coincidence!

Why do I even need proof? I could just accept that it works for myself and carry on improving whatever skill this might be. But in order to fully develop that sense it would be best that I leave my life here behind and move into the woods and live as a recluse for the rest of my life, since it appears to be impossible to fully develop this sense as long as there are contradicting words and voices around. But do I really want to abandon everything I have worked for in my life?

My passion for life erupts from the urge to help and unite the world as a whole. Being a critic and believer, a dreamer and analyst, I see both sides of the coin at the same time. This can be insightful, as much as it can be confusing at times. I carry a huge resource of understanding around with me. And it can be upsetting when other’s don’t have that understanding and instead of attempting to understand, rather criticise.

It saddens me to see that there is such a huge rift in the worlds between believers and critics of all believes and thoughts. Fanatics and one-pointed thoughts aren’t good, regardless of which camp they stand on. I live by Siddhartha’s words: “The right path is the middle path.” There is no right or wrong. Every critic has a dream, every believer analyses. All we need is a reserve tank of acceptance.

Just why is it so damn hard to just accept myself the way I am?

I don’t need to prove myself to anybody! It’s just when I want to share my dreams and believes that I seemingly hit a wall. That’s the only moment where I feel the need to prove myself. But really, that shouldn’t stop me from striving for the highest goal.

Neither should it stop you!