The Miracle of Conception and the Life Ahead
We wait for miracles to happen but don’t realise that we are the miracle!
In an attempt to understand the physical and physiological changes during my menstrual cycle I began writing an independent blog in which I noted down how I felt and what had been going on in my life and also looked up what was going on within my body on a hormonal level. This blog is not rocket science and it is more a diary for myself than a big encyclopedia of a woman’s cycle but to me it made a huge difference in understanding what exactly is actually going on at certain days apart from obvious mood swings and cramps.
I also realised that technically it isn’t that easy to conceive at all. Call me naive, but I never gave it much thought apart from the fact that you would simply just get pregnant. In actual fact, there is only one egg that is being released in each cycle and it only lives for 12 to 24 hours before it disintegrates. So what are the chances of actually getting pregnant? Luckily the male sperm can survive around 5 days in the female cervix. Therefore, if you are really trying for a baby your best chances are the five days leading up to the day of ovulation which takes place around day 14 to 16 of your cycle.
The interesting thing in regards to my own personal process of creation was that my mother had a pituitary adenoma which influenced the hormones commonly associated with reproduction and she was told by her doctors that she will probably not be able to have children. Neither my mother nor my father thought it necessary to use standard precautions (incredible!) and it wasn’t until my mother went into hospital with suspected appendicitis that she learned that she was in actual fact pregnant. At this point my father asked her to have an abortion since he happened to be otherwise engaged, which my mother refused. He then said that he didn’t want to be involved and has ever since kept to his self-proclaimed promise.
At this point my mother was about three months pregnant and prior to the unexpected news she had already booked in to see a psychologist due to stress-related issues which beside others included the same name coursing through her mind over and over again. This name turned out to be my birth name in full hyphenated length which makes me believe that I, as a soul or spirit being, was aiming to get here all along despite all the obstacles. I must have fought for it really hard because my mother remembers that she felt pretty rough during her pregnancy.
Presently I am reading “Anastasia” from the Ringing Cedars Series. This basically formed the thought for writing this blog. In this she implies that intercourse should only take place when a man and a woman sincerely wish to create a child and that it is purely today’s society that makes us believe we should engage in sexual activities for pleasure. This, obviously, is down to each individuals desire and I don’t want to state that Anastasia’s opinion is what we should all strive for, but, I do get her point. Just pick up any random magazine, switch to any random TV channel and you will literally be bombarded with sexually inclined pictures, quotes, tips and the likes. It really does go a little bit too far and might leave people who have less desire to indulge in carnal pleasure feel less worth and a failure, just like nobody looks like a hollywood star!
“Tell me who – which individual – would want to come into the world as a result of carnal pleasures alone? We would all like to be created under a great impulsion of love, the aspiration to co-creation itself, and not simply come into the world as a result of someone’s carnal pleasure.”
Anastasia, page 64
It made me think how much the act of our creation impacts on our life. I think I have turned out to be a magnificent being with a multitude of interests and a very open and engaging mind. However, I am also plagued with abandonment issues and commitment fears, which already form a constant contradiction in their own right. But I also often think that maybe I shouldn’t be here because I wasn’t wanted.
This leads me to another story I would like to bring in about a girl who always said she feels older than she actually is and she also always said that she wants a baby and doesn’t want the father to be living with her. This is her choice, but when she finally announced she was pregnant a lot of people independently came to the conclusion that she had willfully ensured she would get pregnant to which she never gave a proper account. She now has broken off all contact to the father and said that she doesn’t want him to be involved. To me it is so obvious that she just wanted to get pregnant and judging by how controlling she is in her life, closely resembling a military procedure, knowing her medical knowledge as a professional and how clever she is together with the mere fact that there are only a maximum of 24 hours to conceive and she wished for a baby so strongly I am sure that she timed it well. When I asked her how it happened she just said: “Don’t ask” and laughed it off…
For some reason this stirs up a lot of emotions within myself, and I wonder why. The situation is similar to my own as in having been raised by a single mother with the difference that I was rejected by my father whereas she rejected the father of her child. The last, and most important question is whether her child was created accidentally as she makes it look like to others or whether I and others can trust their intuition that she did it on purpose. And nobody will ever know for sure because she won’t tell the truth if it doesn’t fit in with her plan of action.
It is not my part to get involved into her life it just makes me look at the act of conception a little bit more closely. These days there are so many young mums around that accidentally “happened” to fall pregnant. Some will decide for an abortion believing that it isn’t the right timing. On the other hand there are many, many people who want to become pregnant but for some reason can’t. One question arises: “What life do we offer a child that we selfishly demand or unwittingly bring into the world?” I believe that we all are born with a life task which is entirely different in each individual. A friend of mine even said in line with the Anastasia books that each time a man ejaculates a soul gets ready to incarnate. Nobody knows the full extend of our being and who we really are. And even we ourselves discover new parts of ourselves at any time in our lives. Some will need more attention, some might even seem so overburdening that we think we can’t carry on anymore and others might make us rise above ourselves evidently making us stronger.
We certainly shouldn’t judge others because their life plan is different to ours. That’s what makes us as a species so interesting and diverse and creates so many learning opportunities to grow on personally and spiritually. And maybe we can give the incredible 12 hours in which we come into existence a little bit more credit and see it as the miracle that it really is.