Letting Go in Three Steps – Step 3: Acceptance
I thoroughly caught up on the sleep I had missed out on last night and awoke serene and calm at 5.30am to the ear-piercing bleeping reminder to “stand well clear, vehicle reversing” outside. When I fell back to sleep it felt like the alarm went off straight away.
After breakfast I took another hour to read a bit more in my book before heading off again towards the train station. Suddenly I did indeed feel like meditating. I sat back and hovered in the etheric field for a little while enjoying my little peace and calmness. And just when I thought about including a few mantras and mudras the cleaner rattled on the door eager to fulfill his duty to bring my room back to status quo.
So I staggered back to the town of “GOD” and after a lovely walk along the river Wey chasing a swan invigorated by the thought to take a photo of it and a disheartening experience of feeling too pushed about by busy locals to be able to take in Godalming’s cosy town centre I decided to take the train back a couple of hours earlier than planned and to stop for lunch in Brighton instead.
Suddenly I felt eerily tired and could hardly bear all these people around me, a side effect commonly experienced after having spend time in self-imposed isolation.
Today, as the last day, was supposed to be about acceptance and appreciation for what we have in life. But all I could see was that none of those people pacing up and down the platform at Clapham Junction had any of that. Worst of all, when I arrived back home I just wanted to run away again. I really looked forward to getting back and spending some time with my partner but instead I just felt overloaded all of a sudden. I spend the rest of the evening worrying if I was living the right life.
Now, I clearly have to work on acceptance. Maybe we never will be able to properly accept ourselves and the life we have. We are forever changing and with each new aspect we gain we need to pluck up the courage again to accept that new aspect of ourselves. So maybe I shouldn’t beat myself up for not delivering the “happy end” story I was intending to write but merely acknowledge that life is forever changing and that we can only do our best to get along with it and play our part. We have free will to do what we want to do, we just got to take one step at a time.