Right or Wrong

by Anna

Yes, we disagree with others all the time, that’s the beauty of life and makes it interesting. But, what if you actually don’t agree with the way someone behaves towards you and others and you come to the groundbreaking conclusion that this is definitely not going to be a friendship? How do you bring this information across?

I find this still one of the harder lessons to learn. Maybe I just try to avoid confrontation. Maybe I just don’t like to upset others. But definitely I don’t like to be hurt myself. It is a nasty feeling that lingers in my gut after a nasty comment, but worst of all is the actual comment itself which resembles more a straight stab of a sharp blade right into my chest. That isn’t a nice feeling. Not nice at all.

So I can’t help but aim to avoid these painful emotions which manifest so painstakingly in my physical body. I have spent nights tossing and days wondering how to deal with it, how to avoid the next attack. I settled after a while – time heals most wounds. Unfortunately, the next blow came just as unexpected as the last leaving me devastated. Again I felt ill, disappointed of my own insecurities and angry at the other’s upsetting behaviour.

She doesn’t mean it, she is “just joking”, she sais it in a really sweet voice, she smiles, I give up trying to find the answer. I slowly turn and walk away, distance myself from what feels like the heat from hell.

I let all anger dissolve, I disassociated myself, I decide she is just not a friend enough to be worth all the pain. I concentrate on bettering myself and on the positive people around me. I still get dreadfully annoyed at her awkward behaviour and offending humour and cringe if we have to communicate and avoid it if I can.

One day she gets very upset because she feels that I was very rude (I really had no intention of being rude) and she asks me if I have a problem with her. I can’t think straight, I attempt to explain somehow which doesn’t nowhere near enough describe an ordeal that has been going on far too long. It upsets her even more. Then she finally stops talking to me like she used to for a day at a time when we had a disagreement before. But it’s been a week now and there is still no change.

If I would have stopped talking to her every time I thought she was rude, we would probably have stopped talking a long time ago. Which would possibly have been the better solution. But I’m not like that. I am kind, considerate and really don’t want to make myself sound better than her because I am not better. I am just as much an individual striving for happiness. But why do we strive for it so separately? And is one of us wrong or are we really just different?

The idea of individuality is older than humanity itself. So what do we make of it?

Live it to the full? Regardless of others around us? Can we freely express what we think or how we feel? Are we really aware of how much of an influence our behaviour can have on our fellow people? And how do we feel if someone says to us that we are misbehaving or that our behaviour is upsetting to others?

Do we take it to heart? Do we refuse to believe it? Do we simply accept the fact that we perceive the world from a different angle?

What do you think?

Love
Anna

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