Who we are

by Anna

I have just enjoyed a delightful two hours of watching “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” which threw me vividly and also emotionally into a bucket full of aspirations and insights and brought up the old longing to find that part in myself that aspires for the better in me and those around me.

My intention is by no means to write a review about the film, which I will lovingly leave to those specialising in that area. I would like to, however, find clarity about this longing in my chest that keeps popping up on numerous occasions with no warning and descends on me like the last rays of the setting sun.

Only a few days ago did I end with another prolonged cycle of what we shall call “the crux of being a woman” and want to no avail deepen into a monologue about the female reproductive system here and now, but would simply quickly like to explain where I am at this moment. I have to remark that “I truly feel like reborn.”

So I have indeed risen from the ashes of my two month ordeal like the prominent phoenix that would rise anew if only it was real. With every cycle, however long it takes, I awaken a more conscious being. It is like the depression and deep inner recognition I experience during the low times of this bumpy ride propel me even higher when it comes to look over the edge of the box I was hiding in.

Blinded by the light of the new day I awaken to find that life really isn’t that bad after all and that there are so many interesting personalities walking about that I am inspired to make this planet a better place. These are very high aspirations which I begin to feel overburdened with as soon as the end of the cycle comes near again, but which I also can’t seem to get away from. They follow me, like my shadow, tirelessly, through good and bad times, probably until death does us part.

What is it that makes us so interesting personalities? And why are some of us nice and pleasant whereas others are right out mean and scary? And lastly, can we change? As the movie showed clearly it is the course of our life, with all its ups and downs that makes us who we are. But it is also up to us how much we let it take hold and manifest in us. But most importantly for us to recognize is that we can still change, even after a very, very long time. I can’t by no means talk for everyone but I believe that it is usually an experience deemed as bad or negative that has the power to change us. And it is up to us which way we let it influence us. Do we let it make us even more bitter and resentful, or do we take the chance to turn our life around and grab the opportunity to find out where our real potential lies?

There are a few topics I would like to go into more detail over the next few weeks. They all concern our inner self, the deep space in our chest that resonates with our innate hopes and fears and about which we all know so little, yet feel so much.

I leave you for this moment to reflect on yourself and will share my own reflections in due course.